Erma Bombeck

On our trip to Reno this last weekend I listened to the audio cd by Erma Bombeck "A marriage made in heaven, or too tired for an affair." It was hilarious. She told stories of their marriage and children. She talked about all the things that seemed terrible at the time, and now she was laughing about.

While I was listening, I thought to myself that I have had many of the same things happen to me. Our kids do the same things other kids do. Sometimes, I do dumb things. So does everyone else. In the end, everyone laughs about it.

So, the question is, why do we not laugh about it now? Why wait until later when we are looking back at our lives?

Is it that we are too uptight? Serious? Do we think that our whole lives or eternity are being determined every day of our lives? Does it really matter if our kids have one more M&M? I say half the things we worry and fight about are not worth the anxiety. Sometimes I think that the only thing we teach our children is to freak out over small things.

Lets laugh more now. It may be, like Warren Buffett says "It's like saving sex for your old age."

Forgiveness vs. Revenge

Over the weekend Amy's sister visited with her family. Many times that weekend, her little boy would push our little Abigail down. Abigail is just learning to stand, and would cry every time she was pushed. Finally, right before they were leaving, his mom brought him close so he could give Abigail a hug and apologize. Cue tear-jerker scene... As soon as he was close enough, she reached out and whapped him right in the face.

That's my girl!

Our Circle of Influence

Stephen Covey talks about a concept called our circle of influence. Basically, these are the things or people that we have some control over. We can think of a large circle around us-- anything within that circle is in our circle of influence, outside the circle we have no influence.

An interesting thing happens when we concentrate on the things inside our circle. The circle becomes larger, encompassing more things and people. In contrast, when we spend our time thinking and expending effort on that which is outside our circle, it becomes smaller and we can influence less.

In these tough times, I hear different people with different philosophies about what is happening. Some are complaining about the government, the economy, their boss, what is happening in Iraq, etc. Others talk about the things they have direct control over; doing a good job at their work, taking care of their family as best they can, planning for the future.

I say spending too much time worrying about that which you can not control takes time away from that which matters most. No wonder our circle of influence gets larger and smaller based on how we spend our time. If we are losing influence with someone important in our lives, maybe a shift in our thinking is the problem? Sometimes the little things ARE the big things.

Abraham Lincoln-- "Whatever you are, be a good one."

Good Luck

Is it really just luck or is there some way of having good luck come your way?

I listened to an interesting story. It was about 2 knights who were given a task by Merlin. The quest was to find the 4 leaf clover that would grow in the Enchanted Forest on a certain day, 7 days from when he told them. They go off to find the place where it would grow.

They go their separate ways looking for it. People tell them it is impossible for clovers to grow because of bad soil, no running water, rocks in the soil, sunlight doesn't reach the ground, etc. The first knight travels around getting affirmations from others that there is no way the clover could ever grow, and ends up getting frustrated and giving up.

The second knight thinks about the problems. He decides if there is no place where the clover can grow, he will create one. He brings in good soil, digs a little ditch from a nearby lake, clears the rocks, and prunes the trees so sunlight can reach the ground. Then a week later, on the day Merlin had predicted, the wind brought in 4 leaf clover seeds and they were able to grow on the land that was prepared. He was blessed with Good Luck.

2 quotes come to mind, although I can't remember exactly who said them or the exact words. "Luck happens when preparation meets opportunity" and "The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same things while expecting different results."

My Diet

I am on a diet. Again. Actually, it is a weight loss contest with one of my buddies which will go until the end of January. Wish me luck!

Got me thinking why we all gain weight. Seems like everyone goes on yo-yo diets losing weight and gaining it a while later. They can only eat healthily until their will power goes out, and then they go back to their old way of eating. Why is that?

I think there has been a fundamental shift in how we think about food. While it used to be about getting enough food to not be hungry, now it is an event. Look at all the marketing on tv. There is almost no discussion of how good the food is, but that you will have such a good time while you are eating at their establishment. Good times while eating.

Then, the food is made so delicious at restaurants it just slides down your throat. This alone makes you eat more, as well as triggers the pleasure center in your brain. Is it possible that good food can be addicting in some way? This would explain why will power doesn't work well.

The combination of memories of good times and flavorful food has us thinking about food all the time. When we are stressed we think about it. At every possible event we have it (tell me the last church event outside of church meetings without some sort of food). The times we remember with family revolve around a big meal.

And why does the last Dorito taste just as good as the first one? I swear they do this on purpose to make us eat more.

And where else does it say we have to completely clean off our plate, even when we are completely full?

Friends

Look at your closest 5 friends. The ones you spend the most time with.

Are they motivated? Spiritual? Nice? The kind of person you want to be like? They better be, because you will rise or fall until you are at their average level.

Hang out with those who are better than you, and you will become better by association. Hang with losers, well....

Choose friends wisely. You will start to think like them.

Peaks and Valleys

So you are having bad times. What should you do now?

First, everyone has good and bad times. Are you any different?

I will call them peaks and valleys in life. I believe that a valley in your life is determined by what you did in your last peak, and your peak is determined by what you did in your last valley. Confused yet?

Here is a relationship example. Lets say my wife and I are really having a great relationship this month. All is good-- a true peak. Do I:

1. Become complacent? Start taking her for granted and stop doing the things that got us to the peak? or

2. Keep doing the small things. Be appreciative and loving, even when times are good.

Can you see how the choice of 1 or 2 will determine how soon the next valley comes (and it will), and how deep it will be?

Another example. Your job stinks. Your company didn't manage the peak of a few years ago well and overextended themselves. Now money is tight and all of your co-workers are grumbling. What should you do?

1. Be mad just like the rest of them. Complain how you have no control and wonder when you will be laid off.

2. Go to your boss and ask what are the main problems they are having. Ask what you can do to help. Have some meetings with a couple of co-workers and solve the problem. Help get everyone excited about getting the company back on track.

If you choose option 2, who do you think will be the last one laid off? First promoted with a pay raise when the economy improves? That's right, you. See how you can turn your valley into a peak?

Remember, people don't get in trouble in bad times. They get in trouble by what they do in good times. They will overextend themselves in those good times and either won''t be able to reign in their expenses when the tough times come or won't have the resources to make it.

Relationship

I think the root of all problems in relationships starts with this thought "Why don't they do it like I would" or, "Why aren't they just like me."

After all, you are perfect, right?

Maybe we need to appreciate differences in others more. Think to yourself if the house will really, truly burn down if something isn't done exactly like you want it done. After all, they have survived somehow all this time doing it their way.

Perhaps it isn't the action itself, but the need to be in control that is the problem? We all love to be controlled, don't we (insert sarcasm)-- so that means your spouse loves it when you control them, right?

In other words, lets lighten up a little and appreciate the differences in others. This applies to our kids as well.

Our Free Time & Money

I have come to the conclusion that how we spend our free time has more to do with how successful we will be than about anything else we can do.

Virtually no one gets rich from their job. A job tends to pay just enough to pay the bills, with maybe a little left over (or perhaps just a little more debt). Years and years of this and somehow we expect to be rich, or at least comfortable in retirement? Which brings us to the very problem we have in America today.

The answer I think lies in multiple streams of income. Only when we have money coming in from other sources will we get ahead. The famous book "The Richest Man in Babylon" teaches us to save 10% or more of our income and invest it. Over time the interest can bring more money to us than our job.

So how do we figure out where we can get multiple streams of income? Goes back to how we spend our free time. Spend free time studying people who have already achieved what you want and processes to get you there. You will never learn how to do it sitting in front of the TV.

I recommend reading:

The Millionaire Next Door

The Richest Man in Babylon

Rich Dad Poor Dad

PS Sometimes people think investing or starting a company is risky. I think risk is having only one source of income. One job..... layoffs anyone? That is risky in my book.

Why this blog

Hello,

I like to learn new things. However, my memory really stinks and many times I can't remember some of the interesting things I have learned. It is quite maddening, to be honest. Anyway, I figure if I write some of the things I think about or hear I might actually remember something.

Also, I love hearing other peoples opinions so feel free to disagree or comment. Please tell me if my opinions are way out there (before my wife does) :) If you have anything to add, please do!

The topic I think about is how to be happy and successful. That means in every aspect of my life-- relationships, money, work, life in general. I decided a few months ago to pretty much give up television, music radio, etc. I think they are a waste of time, for the most part. So I listen to talk cds in my car as I drive around (I get them at the library for free!) I've learned a lot!

Thanks!

Sam