Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Advice from a divorce attorney

I was speaking with one of my clients, a divorce attorney, who gave me an insight into why people get divorced.

After a divorce is finalized, he said he could predict whether the persons divorced would have a successful second marriage, or if they were destined to divorce over and over in failed marriages.

He said, If they put the blame on their former spouse, "ie it's his fault," then the next marriage was doomed to the same fate as the last.

If they asked themselves "What could I have done differently?" the next marriage would most likely succeed.

So then, when we disagree with our spouse, what question do we ask ourselves?


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Self Esteem and the one thing holding us back

I think that for many people, low self esteem (LSE) is the biggest thing keeping them from achieving their dreams. That is obvious, you say, but what is the solution?

I had a thought today. I believe that most people do most things well. However, there is just one or two skills or weaknesses holding them back. I will use my profession as an example. I am a computer guy, and as most of you know we aren't exactly known for our social skills. We think very logically and can figure out complex problems with ease. However, try to talk to us about something other than computers or Star Trek and it becomes quite tedious. When others talk to us, we seem to speak another language.

So, the obvious answer is---- the computer guy who also learns social skills is going to: get the job/promotion/girl/money etc. That is the one skill lacking in most computer guys.

You are probably lacking one skill or trait that is holding you back. Just like the chain is only as strong as its weakest link, you are only as strong as your weakest link. So, to make the biggest gains in your life, work on that skill.

Unfortunately, most peoples LSE won't let them. Even though they know perfectly well what is holding them back, they are petrified that someone is going to point the fault out to them. Instead of tackling the problem straight on, they live a life of worry, always dependent on the politeness of others not to point out their faults. A terrible way to improve your life.

I say work on the issue you need most help on. Ask your friends for an honest answer of what they think is holding you back. Don't let your LSE get in the way-- take their honest evaluations as a challenge. BTW, you already know what they were going to say before they said it, didn't you?

And then go out and make that weakness one of your greatest strengths.