Maybe your map is wrong...

There is an old story told about a soldier in a war. He was studying his position on the map he was holding. His sergeant asked him if he had found their position on the map. The soldier said "Yes, sir! Except that there is supposed to be a hill over there, and there isn't one." The sergeant replied, "Your map is wrong."

We have an image in our mind how the world is supposed to be. We have developed this view over our entire lifetime. Sometimes we cling to that image even when confronted with evidence that our view is wrong. Many times we do things "because that is the way our parents did it" or a similar reason.

Most of the time having the wrong map in our head doesn't do very much harm. But when we are rigidly holding onto our view of the other people in our life, it can cause serious harm to our relationships. Many a therapist believes that the seeds of marital strife are sown by the expectations (maps) we have for our spouse. When they don't measure up to the expectations we have for them, we assume that they are flawed. Really, it is our map.